Obi-Wan never told you who your father’s mommy was

We started talking about family relationships with Trixie recently. Nothing too heavy, just the concept that Jenn and I have mommies and daddies too. For some reason, it’s a difficult concept for Trixie to grasp. It’s actually more than just difficult — it’s next to impossible. It appears to fundamentally violate her worldview.

My mother’s name is Becky. Trixie knows her as BeckBeck. When I tell Trixie that BeckBeck is my mommy, her brow crumples, and her eyes get wide and she violently shakes her head back and forth in protest, screaming, “Nooo NOOOOOO!”

“Yes Trixie. BeckBeck is my mommy.”

Trixie: “No! That’s not true! That’s IMPOSSIBLE!”

“Search your feelings. You know it to be true.”

“NOOO Nooooooo!”

Trixie then crumples to the ground whimpering and I resolve not tell her again for at least a day. Or maybe just until after her nap.

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14 Responses to Obi-Wan never told you who your father’s mommy was

  1. V.H. says:

    Hmmm. Our daughter who is about the same age has the opposite problem. Everyone must be related to somebody. A man walking his dog? “I see a doggie and the doggie’s daddy.” Two women with a baby? “I see a baby and the baby mommy and the other mommy.” A man by himself? “Who’s that? Is that somebody daddy?” We can’t quite get across to her that sometimes people are just people and they don’t have a dog or a baby or a car to be daddy to.

  2. hannah says:

    Oh yes, the epistemological and existential crises of toddlerhood. Don’t you realize, BenMac and Jenn, that you are the one true Daddy and Mommy respectively and that you are so central to Trixie that no one else can hold this title. Just let sleeping dogs lie, or in this case, just let BeckBecks be BeckBecks.

    And BTW, who was the brave wretch who procreated w/Vader? Do those modern Star Wars movies I’ve heard about in the news tell us this? Nevermind, let sleeping dogs lie.

  3. samantha says:

    hanna: What!! You’ve not seen or heard!!! I’m not going to spoil the movies for you because you’ve obviously not seen them–but I will tell you this: He wasn’t Darth Vadar when the twins were consieved.

    Holy Cow!

    Sorry my inner dork is taking over!


  4. Judy says:

    I’m with Samantha – Hannah, you haven’t HEARD??? I practically live in Tatooine, with my 5 yo such a Star Wars freak. If you want to email, I’m sure he’d be happy to respond! Tee hee!

    As for the mommy-daddy thing, my 5 yo is just now getting the concept that my grandma is his great-grandma…it all comes in time. But, as previously stated, in Trixieland, there’s only one mommy and daddy, and that’s you guys. Sorry, no one else gets to hold the title for a little while!

  5. Valerie says:

    I’m going to ruin it….it was Queen Amidala, or Senator when she conceived. GO SEE REVENGE OF THE SITH! It’s not as good as the originals, but it finishes the story. See I, II, and III if you have no idea what I’m talking about. I wasn’t into them until my husband dragged me to II and had to explain the entire story to me. I have two little cousins who have trouble with the grandma is my mommy thing. I can’t remember when I understood it, but it was a lot older than 2. How fun is it watching them learn?

  6. Maddie's Mom says:

    Maddie is more along the lines of VH’s daughter. She has to know the relationships of everyone. Every older man is a grandpa. Every man is a daddy. She tells me who her friends’ mommies and daddies are. “That’s Dora’s Mommy!” “That’s Shelby’s Daddy!”

    Of course, she also occasionally calls my husband and I by our first names, something I didn’t anticipate happening until her sarcastic teen years.

  7. lori says:

    When I was a kid, my parents just referred to the grandparents as “Grandma” and “Grandpa.” They would call them this when we talked about them and when THEY talked to them (in front of us). I guess we just learned that they were Grandma/pa. Simple as that – we didn’t know any differently. (I’m amazed that todlers today know their parents’ names. I don’t think I knew my parents “real” names until gradeschool.) Not sure when the relationship family tree part sunk in – I’m sure I was older than Trixie is now – but we knew everyone’s “names.” As smart as Trixie is, she’ll get it soon…hang in there Ben, it might take a couple of days. Maybe a family tree this might help.

  8. Jenny says:

    Heh. Appreciate the ESB reference. Olivia, who is a month younger than Trixie, loves to know everyone’s relationships… but she can’t grasp that her Grandma is my mommy – no way!

    It’s because young toddlers have no clue that they’ll grow up, and cannot fathom that adults were ever small. If you think about it from their point of view, it really is quite ridiculous.

    The toddler world is divided into the babies and the parents… and to them this seems a universal constant. No concept of time, really, or growth. Innocents of the moment, are they.

    Following along with the Yoda speak, I’ll leave my favorite line from ESB:

    “Luminous beings are we – not this crude matter.”

  9. Biggs says:

    Mabey Trixie is turning to the darkside Master Windu

  10. Oana says:

    Or maybe, just maybe, she is so incredibly smart and perceptive that she realizes that you, her parents, will sometime be as old as her grandmother. And does this mean that she will end up as tall and as grown-up as the two of you? You have to agree that the perspective is quite horrifying :).

  11. aidens momma says:

    aiddy refers to my parents as ‘nanna’ and ‘pipa’, and my husband’s as ‘grandma’ and ‘poppa’. but at 18 months, i dont think he even has an inkling that they are our parents. though he does call my mom ‘mom’ when i refer to her as such without thinking. but i think thats just cuase he is a little parrot right now lol.

    the weirdest thing i have ever seen involoving names is that my cousins call their parents by their first names ‘bob’ and ‘sue’ instead of mom and dad. they are almost adults and i wonder if they ever questioned the parenting labels. the family reunion is coming up and ill check on it lol.

  12. john says:

    How could she be BeckBeck AND your mommy (two people!) at the same time? Ours had a similar crisis. My oldest still thinks it’s pretty neat when she discovers two people with the same name.

  13. Nina says:

    This reminds me of when I first met my cousin (father’s brother’s daughter) We argued for an hour about who’s grandma grandma really was. That woman is my grandma not yours! NOO She’s always been my grandma not yours! Grr! Finally we asked grandma and sadly she was both or ours. How sad it was to have to share my grandma with some girl I had only just met.

    I guess I sort of know what Trixie is going thru.
    Ahhh memories!

  14. DavidNYC says:

    Is this why Trixie only has one real hand, and one mechanical one nowadays?