As reported in our last post, babies mess you up in the head. Thanks to everyone who wrote in to share their experience involving emotional instability and parenthood. However, I feel like I may have given the wrong impression once readers began leaving suggestions of which other movies not to watch. For the record, I want to state that there was never any chance I would watch Pay it Forward. This has nothing to do with having a child, I just lump it up there with other truisms such as don’t stick an auger bit in your eye and don’t make toast in the bathtub.
So sure, once you have a kid, you now get misty at the end of Old Yeller, but does it stop there? No. That’s easy to fix. Just get a Kleenex. The bad part is what happens to the rest of your body.
Jenn and I have never been sick as frequently as we have over the last 16 months. Actually, I’m sick as hell right now (which is why there hasn’t been a lot of activity on the site.) This is on top of two earlier bouts of super flu since Trixie was born. In the four years prior to her arrival, I only got sick once. Unless you count the two cases of pinkeye I got in my first month of moving to the Bronx. (That was before I learned not to touch anything in New York City.)
Jenn has also gotten horribly sick three times since Trixie’s birth, including a month-long case of something a just few genes removed from Spanish Influenza. (She also had a pretty good bill of health before Trixie.)
Is there a name for this condition? This rapid deterioration of a previously healthy adult once a baby enters the picture? My good friend Schaff, who has lost track of the number of times I’ve called to say, “I’m sick as hell right now,” has dubbed this condition BIDS: Baby-related Immune Deficiency Syndrome. Babies are not only purveyors of disease and pestilence — they weaken your immune system first by systematically denying you a good night’s sleep.
So without proper rest, you’re guaranteed to develop the worst possible case of whatever you come down with. But wait — there’s more! As everyone knows, disease thrives in crowds. When the host population is large enough for a disease to move around, lay dormant, incubate, and resurface, that’s when the really bad things happen. Plague, measles, flu, small pox.
When there were just two of you, it was easy to beat a disease. But once baby makes three, your host population has hit the critical mass. Now you all get to pass mutated strains around the circle. So there’s a good chance you’re not going to just get sick just once, but again, and again, and again. It brings the family closer together – just in time for the holidays.